AVisitFromTheTofu

Ok, this is the fourth entry this week, so I hope that satisfies all of you that have been bitching at me for not posting. I will probably post one more this week( featuring some other interesting things that happened over the break. maybe the crazy lio stories) then, if I go back to work next week( still not sure if i am , that's China ), I will probably post about once or twice a week.

So another significant event that recently occured was the visit from Jessica. This should be put in context. Around the beginning of Jan, our relationship hit some very serious troubles. This was due to distance and not seeing each other, but also largely because I am an ass. For reasons that I am unsure of, i began to slip into some old behaviour: drinking to much, not doing anything productive, hanging around unsavory characters (crazy lio) and doing stupid things. Not to the extent that i once did, but still, i was just starting to head in that direction. This sort of thing caused some very serious problems, ones that i am not going to detail, but lets just say that she was essentially right and i was essentially wrong. These problems, compounded with long term issues such as my age and place in the world( which would not be very attractive to her parents-- approval from the parents is a very serious issue for most Chinese people, even one as independent and free thinking as Yipin)led to what i most did not want to happen. Essentially, we broke up. I of course, was completely devastated but had no one but myself to blame. Of course, i could not give up on her, even if i understood and respected her position; we maintained communication. I have never loved anyone as much as i love her, and this was a difficult time for me. However, in a way, it was a positive thing. I realized that i was slipping down a old path that i did not want to follow. If i don't push my self toward some goal, i tend to slide backwards. so now, i am trying to set small goals for myself so i can keep moving forward.

Well, anyway, towards the end of January, i started to have a strange feeling. Even though it seemed very unlikely, i began to suspect that she was planning to visit me. She was still somewhat cold to me, but still actively communicating to me everyday. She asked me for my house address, which she does not need to mail things to me as I receive my mail through the office. Yipin is also famous for "surprising", which is the term that she uses for when she shows up when i don't expect her and am the least prepared for her visit I kept on having this nagging feeling that she was coming; I even began to clean my apartment so that she would not bitch at me for it being dirty! Well, it turns out that she was planning on surprising me, but had to call me a few days before to help her with a traveling problem. That was good, as it gave me time to fully prepare for her visit.

Now, before i get into the visit, i know this is very strange. We broke up and then she comes from New Zealand to visit me. Yes, we are a strange couple! Even now, she says that we broken up. However, that seems to be a classification, i am not concerned with it. We still talk to each other everyday, and are a couple in all ways except her classification. I am happy with how are relation hip actually is, not what we call it. right now, despite her name for it, we are doing probably better than we have ever done. Having a Chinese girlfriend is a strange experience!

So anyway, lets leave all of that crap behind. While she was here, we acted as boyfriend and girlfriend. We were together the entire time( i had the week off, thankfully),we did everything together, we fought about once a day, but we made up everyday also! She drove me nuts, but it was my best week in China so far! It was so great to have my chinese girlfriend in China. She showed me many things( even though Dalian is not her city, she knows infinitely more about anywhere is China than I do) and it was a fun and enriching experience. Anyway, so what did we do when she visited. well:

Monday-- She flew in from New Zealand and W. and I went to the airport to pick her up. Me being me, i was afraid that I would not recognize her( i am really paranoid in strange ways) and she would belt me one! But of course I did. I was so happy to see her , and she was as beautiful as ever. so Monday, we pretty much got settled in. She took over the apartment essentially, even moving around where i had kept my food and trash buckets! It's strange to have a person living with you when you are used to being alone for 39 years( well, you know what i mean) but i liked it. We both have some adjusting to do in that area, but all in all, I really loved having her in the apartment. Most of the changes that she made were good and I kept them. Not all, but most. The place is a bit more homey and comfortable now. Anyhoo, we went grocery shopping at Youhome, and she showed me new foods that i could buy. She also showed me places to get things cheaper, which is cool. She bought these little snacks, made of duck liver. They smell like hell but are actually very good( like beef jerky) if you chew on them for awhile. Many Chinese snacks are like that. Yeah, they have candy and cookies and such( usually not as sweet though, but some are) but the also like to snack on some things we would consider weird. Yipin is continually eating some sort of fish jerky. We have been offered things that seemed to be candy but turned out to be some sort of weird fruit, vegetable, or seafood ( think squid candy) product. Anyhoo, then we had dinner with Winston near my apartment. Yipin loves seafood, and Dalain has much, so she ordered some of that kind of thing and we also got Kung Pow chicken for Winston( he eats it every time we go out). Then we came home. Yipin was pretty tired due to New Zealand being 5 hours ahead of China.

Tuesday--- Tuesday was our first full day together. We went to downtown Dalain. Under the main part of the city is a huge underground mall, Victory Square-- every big public place is usually translated has Square, which seems to imply park or plaza. it has about 6 floors that are all each very massive. it has many different types of stores and shops, but seems to cater to younger women, as many malls do. Its a pretty impressive place; i get lost there very often! It has exits all over downtown, so i often come out and wonder where the hell I am! We had a pretty good time there. After we ate, she wanted to see a movie, so we went to a close by theatre. We couldn't find an English showing, so we just went to a Chinese movie that she wanted to see. Even though it was all in Chinese, it was a zany comedy-- which generally make use of familiar plots, expressions and film language, so i understood and enjoyed it. It was sort of a romantic comedy, but the comedy was more important than the romance and the female lead was a real bitch so it was enjoyable to me! It was pretty good. The theatre was smaller than American ones, the room was small and the seats were like padded booths made for two people. It was much more comfortable than an American theatre, the seat had lots of room, didn't kill your ass and didn't put your neighbor right touching next to you. This is kind of strange to me because almost everything else in china crowds many people into a small place right on top of each other, buses, schools, ect. However, I don't know if it was just this one theatre that is like that or all of them. However, it was a pleasant change of pace. After the movie, we went shopping at another grocery store and then came home and went to bad, as the girl was starting to get crabby.

Wed-- She decided that we should check out the marine park at Tiger Beach. We had a really good time there, as you can see from the picture posted and linked to below. W. went with us and he is a really good person to take places to. He enjoys everything and has a positive attitude about everything( which can counter my sometimes negative attitude!) Since it was winter and during the holiday season, we got in for about half price, and all of it was worth it! The park is next to the sea, has alot of land and exhibits, and is very modern and well kept. All of the animals seemed to be well taken care of. They had alot of animals; many types of fish, sharks and marine mammals. There was a dolphin show and a bird park also. It was really great. The funniest part , i think, was when we went in, we saw this little beat up looking dog. Well, whenever we went outside, and we were inside alot, we would see him cruising along. He seemed to be on his own holiday, enjoying the park( although he went into the seal house and the chinese dudes chased him out, maybe because he didn't have a ticket!). When we left, we saw him walking towards the gates; his day was also over. W had diner at a place that W. and i call the spot, its cheap and everyone knows us there. Yipin was freaked out when the entire staff came and watched us eat, but i told her that they always do that. It happens when you are an American in China sometimes( although not all that often). When we went home, My landlord was there fixing the toilet. Yipin and her had spoke together on the phone before and Cindy made plans to take show us the city the next evening. I have a really nice landlord, which i am told is uncommon.

Thur-- We had some errands to run, as yipin has been accepted to a post graduate school in Australia( ranked 54th in the world!) and is scrambling to get her Visa situation settled. She is working very hard and i hope that it works out for her. We screwed around downtown again, visiting victory and other shopping areas. We went to one of those very Asian photo booths and took pictures. We went to a very high end mall, new mart and a korean place( that we almost got ripped off at, but luckily did not buy anything). We got into a fight at new mart because lio called ( more about that some other time) and then went home. Cindy, the landlord came at six and we went to a more high end area of the city and saw a nice park and a higher end mall. Cindy bought dinner for us as the chinese like to do. I had curry and winston had kung pow chicken! It was a nice day. I help cindy with her English, but she is really shy about speaking it so Yipin mostly translated. Winston always fights with the Chinese about paying, but i don't like to insult anybody's customs!

Friday: during the day we just walked around the neighborhood. we had a stupid fight about crabs( the food) and then went out with ed and sarah. We had hot pots, which is where they give you a little boling pot of soup and then you add whatever food you like and cook it. It was very good. Winston had Kung Pow chicken. Ed and Sarah are really great people and Yipin got along with them fine.

Saturday: I was exhausted. the plan was to head out to big black mountain because they have temples and such out there. Dalain is pretty modern and I wanted to see something that was connected to ancient china. As detailed in the photobucket pictures, Winston had other ideas, make me climb a huge ass mountain which was difficult and beyond exhausting and almost got thrown off the mountain several times! However, i am very glad i did it, it was an amazing experience. The temples where beautiful they are part of the mountain. While i am not into any religion, you can really see the beauty of creation there... To think the ammount of human toil that went into it is amazing. It was wonderful. After ward we went back ( a long walk, a bus, lightrail, bus) and went to resturant near my house, Yipin had seafood, Winston had Kung pow chicken....

Sunday: Her plane was scheduled to leave at 1 or so, we left at 10 for the airport. She had some trouble with customs( she always, always overpacks), but then got on the airplane. Afterwards, I tool a bus to the english corner and she called me to tell me she got to her parents home fine( they live in Tian Jin, which is only about a hour away by air). When i got home, the apt. seemed empty and quiet. Its strange how someone can transform a place in such a short time. I miss her still; she is a great girl. She is intelligent , loving, stubborn, open minded, .... i can never explain her well. you just have to meet her , and even then, there's always more to learn. mytrying to dexcribe her is like going into a huge mulit floor builindg and trying to explain it room by room. she is simply the greatest person i have ever met. It was a wonderful week

Anyhoo, one more entry this week, maybe, and then hopefully one or two a week afterwards.

Jessica

Ok, this blog is dedicated to a major part of life that is rarely mentioned on this blog: my significant other, Jessica. Jessica and I have been dating since April 17th this year, which is not a long time. However, I feel closer to her than anyone I have ever dated. Yipin( her Chinese given name: the Chinese put there family names first, then there given name: in China, I would be Evon Pat) is of course Chinese. I met her before I came to China, although I was well underway with the decision and the processes to come here. She is a very important part of my experience here, even though she is not here right now.

I met her at Oswego last spring semester. I had been friends with a few Chinese students before that. I found the Chinese fascinating, especially the girls. Nothing against Chinese men, who are interesting in there own right, but Chinese girls are wonderful. I just find all of them to be smart, resourceful, gentle, mostly kind, and adorable. Despite my age, after a semester or two, I had many friends at Oz( Oswego). Although the average college student holds no interest in me, individually, there were many interesting, open minded kids. But, I found the Chinese to be more interesting. They were hard- working ( as I was), funny, and different. It's hard to explain, but I felt they had more in common with me than the youth of my own culture. Maybe its the "mystique" , maybe I am just bored with Americans, who really end up seeming to be mostly the same after while( not everyone, just many). My best friends at college was Chinese( well, and Marc huass), Xiaoru Lin ( Lin Xiaoru), who is actually from Dalian!

One of the reasons that i decided to go back to college in the first place was due to an overwhelming desire to get out of the United States for awhile. It was not a wholly political decisions, although the last eight years have been painful as I watched my country become many things that I feared that It would. The general mood in America has been upsetting for me( and for those Americans who want to throw names and shit around, everything that i have predicted since the beginning of this mess has come true. Every single thing! So I was open minded, i considered your view, and it was proven wrong. Better to trust my own instincts. so fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!). But it wasn't just that. America goes in cycles; things will probably change in another direction soon. Politics are stupid,life is what matters. I was also 33-34 years old and had pretty much lived in the same area of the world, seeing the same things, surrounded by the same people. Ever since I was little, I had wanted to travel. At this point in my life, which had just come from a very bleak, hopeless, period of my life where i had really given up on many of my dreams. When I decided to go back to school, it was with the goal in mind to go to another country. Once school was starting to wind down, I started looking for opportunities to travel. I was thinking about Japan for a long time but then I read the email for the program that i am currently participating in. Something about it stood out to me, and My Chinese friends encouraged me to come here. So I started the process and it worked out. Again the political reasons where there, but far from the most important. While I was and continue to be disgusted by the present political status in the states, i would not have left solely for that reason. I had more personal compelling reason to want to be part of the world.

When I met Jessica, I was still waiting to hear from the Company. She was another Chinese girl out of many, but she wasn't. I quickly became interested in her, but I resisted this also. I was 14 years older and from a different country. Jessica's story also complicates things. She is from China, near Beijing, but had spent the last six years studying in New Zealand, and was only in America for a semester as an exchange student. She was returning to NZ to pursue her post graduate work. I was maybe going to China. I pretty much decided to ignore my attraction to her, as there seemed to be no real future for us. Well, that didn't work; after a few strange steps, we became a couple. We also decided to keep the relationship going. None of these decisions where easy and we have struggled and considered each. But what can you do when you have finally meet the one person who seems to fully understand and appreciate you. We try to take one day at a time. Neither of us are stupid; we know that the odds are against us. But it all seems to work, in some clumsly, chaotic way. Order beyond order; sense beyond sense- not at all common or cheap.

I often wonder what people who know me think of the relationship. Do they think that I am some overaged pervert taking advantage of some innocent young Chinese girl? Well, maybe that does happen, but the chinese are very savy; I don't think they get taken advantage of for long. Is it becuase I am american? No, Jessica has no real goal to live in the states. Jessica has a degree in psychology( and is working on her masters), speaks two languages fluently and is learning a third ( Japanese), has traveled and lived in many areas of the world, and one of the most intelligent and aware people that i know. We just connect; it's hard to describe.

I don't know what else to say. I wanted to talk about her, but its complicated and personal. Let me just say that she is the most amazing girl that i have ever met. She understands me better than anyone ever has, she is smart, funny, complicated, kind, and honest. I talk to her everyday and everyday i fall more in love with her. I hope that one day, we can actually be together. She is the most amazing person on this planet and I am lucky that she pays attention me.

It's weird having a Chinese girlfriend who is not in China when you are. but this experience has helped me understand her better, and being with her has let me understand China better. I feel that i am an amazing journey that will take me to undreamed of places, and I feel that Yipin is a large part of it.

Next, I will begin to talk about teaching and school, although that may take many entries to fully explain...