Randomresponcestonothing

not starting the teaching thing yet; its very complicated and long. Just a short entry with random shit and some follow ups to the previous blogs.

Jessica- i really didn't talk about her that all much in her own entry! It difficult to write about some things. I just guess i feel so strongly about her, its hard to put into words. It all comes out as cliche's. However, i think she is amazing. Independent, driven, intellgient, warm. Everyting i could ever ask for. iwrote a poem and a story about her. maybe i should post a link. they come closer to saying anything about her than i would here

Amercia- I probably need to clarify some things about my feelings for my own country. Also very complicated and i would be a fool so say that fully understood my own feelings about it. I don't hate amercia; I love it. Its a great country to be from and a good country to live in. Many, many things about the us is amazing. But there are aspects of it I just can't stand. Right now, i hate many of the politcal elements of the country. I hate the bullying of the bush administration. I hate the celebrity obssesed culture that brainfucks the masses. I hate, hate, hate, the endless, empty, rolling binary switch debates of Republican/ Democrat, Conservative/liberal, blah/blah. fucking solves nothing, people get mad and everyone misses the point. Politics are important, but the whole country seems to to busy arguing and not paying attention to whats going on, sulking and being bitter becuase everyone else seems to not understand that they're viewpoint is right. The fact is no politcial idea or system is ever going to be enough. I, myself, am trying to see life as it is, understand humans and how they work. to me, this is the only way to make things better. to me, getting behind ideas and groups and expecting them to solve problems like some sort of machine is beyond naive. Look at the world and yourself and people around you. stop classifying things simply. for gods sake, don't listen to anyone, anyone who has some poliitcal state. Free yourself from this mind fuck and realise your place in this world. Its not about money, or theory, or freedom, or any of that. It is about everything. If you seperate any element from the whole, your understanding is going to be imcoomplete and your thoery will fail. plus, try to seperate your personal prejudeaces and hopes from your theory, which is impossible. when people talk politics, i learn more about who they are then any system. to me, these systems are mind death; many others see them as the height of intelligince. anyway, thats just my opinion.

but i love america; i am just bored of most americans right now. I feel i need to get away; get my head clear of all the fucing yelling. just live. I know that the chinese are far from perfect, they are human. But its something different, they are a different part of the riddle that is humanity. I could give a fuck less about politics, but humans, thats a wonderful subject to study... I feel like i am learning agian, and really seeing things for the first time. For me, this was the best thing at the best time. I need a time out from amercia, and china is a great place to do that. However, I wil probably return to america is a deeper understand and different appreciation form it. But i doubt i will ever swallow any of the political bullhsit. any of it. that's just who i am.

Anyway, more about China in the next few day. Hopefully about teaching.