Randomresponcestonothing

not starting the teaching thing yet; its very complicated and long. Just a short entry with random shit and some follow ups to the previous blogs.

Jessica- i really didn't talk about her that all much in her own entry! It difficult to write about some things. I just guess i feel so strongly about her, its hard to put into words. It all comes out as cliche's. However, i think she is amazing. Independent, driven, intellgient, warm. Everyting i could ever ask for. iwrote a poem and a story about her. maybe i should post a link. they come closer to saying anything about her than i would here

Amercia- I probably need to clarify some things about my feelings for my own country. Also very complicated and i would be a fool so say that fully understood my own feelings about it. I don't hate amercia; I love it. Its a great country to be from and a good country to live in. Many, many things about the us is amazing. But there are aspects of it I just can't stand. Right now, i hate many of the politcal elements of the country. I hate the bullying of the bush administration. I hate the celebrity obssesed culture that brainfucks the masses. I hate, hate, hate, the endless, empty, rolling binary switch debates of Republican/ Democrat, Conservative/liberal, blah/blah. fucking solves nothing, people get mad and everyone misses the point. Politics are important, but the whole country seems to to busy arguing and not paying attention to whats going on, sulking and being bitter becuase everyone else seems to not understand that they're viewpoint is right. The fact is no politcial idea or system is ever going to be enough. I, myself, am trying to see life as it is, understand humans and how they work. to me, this is the only way to make things better. to me, getting behind ideas and groups and expecting them to solve problems like some sort of machine is beyond naive. Look at the world and yourself and people around you. stop classifying things simply. for gods sake, don't listen to anyone, anyone who has some poliitcal state. Free yourself from this mind fuck and realise your place in this world. Its not about money, or theory, or freedom, or any of that. It is about everything. If you seperate any element from the whole, your understanding is going to be imcoomplete and your thoery will fail. plus, try to seperate your personal prejudeaces and hopes from your theory, which is impossible. when people talk politics, i learn more about who they are then any system. to me, these systems are mind death; many others see them as the height of intelligince. anyway, thats just my opinion.

but i love america; i am just bored of most americans right now. I feel i need to get away; get my head clear of all the fucing yelling. just live. I know that the chinese are far from perfect, they are human. But its something different, they are a different part of the riddle that is humanity. I could give a fuck less about politics, but humans, thats a wonderful subject to study... I feel like i am learning agian, and really seeing things for the first time. For me, this was the best thing at the best time. I need a time out from amercia, and china is a great place to do that. However, I wil probably return to america is a deeper understand and different appreciation form it. But i doubt i will ever swallow any of the political bullhsit. any of it. that's just who i am.

Anyway, more about China in the next few day. Hopefully about teaching.

Jessica

Ok, this blog is dedicated to a major part of life that is rarely mentioned on this blog: my significant other, Jessica. Jessica and I have been dating since April 17th this year, which is not a long time. However, I feel closer to her than anyone I have ever dated. Yipin( her Chinese given name: the Chinese put there family names first, then there given name: in China, I would be Evon Pat) is of course Chinese. I met her before I came to China, although I was well underway with the decision and the processes to come here. She is a very important part of my experience here, even though she is not here right now.

I met her at Oswego last spring semester. I had been friends with a few Chinese students before that. I found the Chinese fascinating, especially the girls. Nothing against Chinese men, who are interesting in there own right, but Chinese girls are wonderful. I just find all of them to be smart, resourceful, gentle, mostly kind, and adorable. Despite my age, after a semester or two, I had many friends at Oz( Oswego). Although the average college student holds no interest in me, individually, there were many interesting, open minded kids. But, I found the Chinese to be more interesting. They were hard- working ( as I was), funny, and different. It's hard to explain, but I felt they had more in common with me than the youth of my own culture. Maybe its the "mystique" , maybe I am just bored with Americans, who really end up seeming to be mostly the same after while( not everyone, just many). My best friends at college was Chinese( well, and Marc huass), Xiaoru Lin ( Lin Xiaoru), who is actually from Dalian!

One of the reasons that i decided to go back to college in the first place was due to an overwhelming desire to get out of the United States for awhile. It was not a wholly political decisions, although the last eight years have been painful as I watched my country become many things that I feared that It would. The general mood in America has been upsetting for me( and for those Americans who want to throw names and shit around, everything that i have predicted since the beginning of this mess has come true. Every single thing! So I was open minded, i considered your view, and it was proven wrong. Better to trust my own instincts. so fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!). But it wasn't just that. America goes in cycles; things will probably change in another direction soon. Politics are stupid,life is what matters. I was also 33-34 years old and had pretty much lived in the same area of the world, seeing the same things, surrounded by the same people. Ever since I was little, I had wanted to travel. At this point in my life, which had just come from a very bleak, hopeless, period of my life where i had really given up on many of my dreams. When I decided to go back to school, it was with the goal in mind to go to another country. Once school was starting to wind down, I started looking for opportunities to travel. I was thinking about Japan for a long time but then I read the email for the program that i am currently participating in. Something about it stood out to me, and My Chinese friends encouraged me to come here. So I started the process and it worked out. Again the political reasons where there, but far from the most important. While I was and continue to be disgusted by the present political status in the states, i would not have left solely for that reason. I had more personal compelling reason to want to be part of the world.

When I met Jessica, I was still waiting to hear from the Company. She was another Chinese girl out of many, but she wasn't. I quickly became interested in her, but I resisted this also. I was 14 years older and from a different country. Jessica's story also complicates things. She is from China, near Beijing, but had spent the last six years studying in New Zealand, and was only in America for a semester as an exchange student. She was returning to NZ to pursue her post graduate work. I was maybe going to China. I pretty much decided to ignore my attraction to her, as there seemed to be no real future for us. Well, that didn't work; after a few strange steps, we became a couple. We also decided to keep the relationship going. None of these decisions where easy and we have struggled and considered each. But what can you do when you have finally meet the one person who seems to fully understand and appreciate you. We try to take one day at a time. Neither of us are stupid; we know that the odds are against us. But it all seems to work, in some clumsly, chaotic way. Order beyond order; sense beyond sense- not at all common or cheap.

I often wonder what people who know me think of the relationship. Do they think that I am some overaged pervert taking advantage of some innocent young Chinese girl? Well, maybe that does happen, but the chinese are very savy; I don't think they get taken advantage of for long. Is it becuase I am american? No, Jessica has no real goal to live in the states. Jessica has a degree in psychology( and is working on her masters), speaks two languages fluently and is learning a third ( Japanese), has traveled and lived in many areas of the world, and one of the most intelligent and aware people that i know. We just connect; it's hard to describe.

I don't know what else to say. I wanted to talk about her, but its complicated and personal. Let me just say that she is the most amazing girl that i have ever met. She understands me better than anyone ever has, she is smart, funny, complicated, kind, and honest. I talk to her everyday and everyday i fall more in love with her. I hope that one day, we can actually be together. She is the most amazing person on this planet and I am lucky that she pays attention me.

It's weird having a Chinese girlfriend who is not in China when you are. but this experience has helped me understand her better, and being with her has let me understand China better. I feel that i am an amazing journey that will take me to undreamed of places, and I feel that Yipin is a large part of it.

Next, I will begin to talk about teaching and school, although that may take many entries to fully explain...

TwoBigThings--crossingthestreetandbuses

Have not blogged in a while, lots of things have been going on. However, things should be a little quieter and i should be posting quite a bit for awhile...

I will abandon the chronology sort of because i have been here for over a month and there are many things that I want to talk about that i have not. However, I retain the right to go back to the chronology if i feel like it, because that is how I roll(!)...

Two of the biggest things for me that are involved in living here are the buses and crossing the street. I have to do both of them quite often and both of these activities make quite an impact on me.

Oh crap, before I start into that, this week in another holiday-- National day. I think the actually day was yesterday, but school is out for a week! National day is like our July 4th, but somewhat of a bigger deal. I think it celebrates the revolution.

Anyway, i have mentioned crossing the street before, but it bears repeating. Traffic is somewhat the same in China, except that is also completely different! They drive on the same side of the road as us and the basic system is pretty much the same. They have traffic lights, although they are more sparse than at home, except for downtown. The essential difference is one of basic approach or mentality. Ed has said, and i have stolen this off of him, that he could not tell if the Chinese are the best drivers in the world or the worst. Jessica thinks that they are the best, and i am inclined, with some reservations, to agree with her. When crossing the street in most places, there are no stop signs ( that i have noticed anyway) and few traffic lights. The streets are almost always very busy with both pedestrians and cars. Many of the cars are taxi cabs, which are fairly cheap and widely used. There are also many buses on the street. I have no clue to how many buses there are in Dalian, but its quite a lot! There are also many other types of vehicles, from older cars to very nice, expensive, newer ones. There are some bicycles and many motorcycles. Some of the motorcycles have carts on the back of them ( as do some of the bikes) in which the driver may pile junk, cardboard, a person, or god knows what. Anyway, the common element to all of these vehicles is that there are very many of them and they all drive with what seems at first to the American eye with complete abandon! They hate to stop. They will weave in and out of traffic like nobodies business. They will pull out, over and, whatever in a moments notice. The main rule seems to be to get where you are going to as soon as possible and don't hurt anyone. They also drive on the sidewalk sometime, or skirt around the edge of the road. Its complete madness. Since the cars rarely stop, you kind of have to walk out in the middle of traffic most of the time. It was very hard for me to get used to. I actually have alot of admiration for the Chinese Driver, but i have more for the Chinese pedestrian! When i first came here, i would ( and occasionally still do) be left of the sidewalk for a very long time, waiting for a hole in the traffic (also i may step out and almost get lowed by some old guy in a dirty suit on a bike. Don't laugh; it happens almost everyday!) The Chinese don''t. they may wait for little while, but they know that if they wait too long, they will be there for fucking ever. So i will wait, and tons of Chinese will cross the street, Little girls, old ladies, people with dogs without a leash ( another interesting topic- Chinese pets) all probably laughing at the super tall American who is afraid to cross the street. They will dart between cars, walk slowly as a cab or a bus barrels upon them, or stand on the yellow line as traffic zooms on both sides of them. I am getting better at crossing the street, although i am still very far from a native in this respect. It appears they don't get hit very often.The key to all of this, as i suggested before, is the Chinese mentality, I think. They don't stop. But there are very few accidents. I think the Chinese,being 1.3 billion people strong, are used to crowds. In a population this big, you better get used to it. but they are more aware of other people. bus or cab may push towards you, but they will not hit you. they seem to have an almost magical awareness of what is going on around them. I see situations everyday that would be a horrendous accident if that situation occurred in the states. However, in China, they seem to be able to avoid this. They do drive a good bit slower in general, but not super slow. I really think that its part of the Chinese way of being, and I plan of fully figuring this out. In the meantime, I will probably continue to reflect on this phenomena.

One thing to remember , while this may seem to be a mess to us. it is perfectly normal to them. Another thing that i like is that they don't seem to get mad that often. In the States, especially in traffic, people seem to be very eager to get pissed off. The Chinese seems to just accept the traffic as a matter of course and don't take it personally. they will honk, but it does not seem to be very aggressive. Its more of a Hey i a here, be aware so you don't get hurt, kind of honking. That being said, they love to honk and i don't really know why they do it sometimes. I have said that if someone created some magic device that is disabled horns, it would be a national tragedy. Middle aged men would just walk out of there cars, crying. they really like honking here.as i type this, i hear a strange chorus on honking coming from ba yi lu.

Another related element of life here is the Buses. the public transportation system here is very large and popular. maybe too popular. While there is indeed a very large amount of traffic by cars and cabs. there seems to be a trillion buses running at most time( they do stop running around 9:30 at night). Now, i have to ride buses almost everyday; a day consisting of only two bus rides is rare. There are many positives to riding the bus here. They go everywhere, it seems. Many have Televisions in them( although in Chinese, which is fair enough). They are pretty clean. They are cheap, costing one Yuan( right now, 100 American dollars equals 607 Yuan, although the dollar is of course falling- thanks to bush, the fuck). But there is one element that makes me sometimes dread the bus. Its better to tell this in story form I think. So let's say that I am going to the office. I go out of my apartment and walk down a small hill. I stand at the banks of the road, Ba yi lu, and try to cross the street. as stated before, this can take anywhere from a minute to ten, depending of traffic, my mood and other elements. so i cross the street, usually a bit ruffled because it took long and some old guy on a bike almost hit me. I walk down the street, past people selling things on rugs, tons of different stores and markets. the markets may sell food, produce, fruit or seafood. The seafood markets stink but they are worth checking out. Many different types of fish, clams, live and dead crabs, live eels. Anyway, so I go to get on the 501 bus. the 501 goes to the company's office, and many different places. I may be getting on the 5 which goes to the heart of downtown. the 501 is smaller than most buses, although for the love of god, i don't know why, as it is very popular. So anytime you are waiting for a bus, people are coming to the stop. you may only wait for a few minutes, but if there is only you and some Chinese waiting at first, it will usually be a mob before the bus comes. they literally come from out of nowhere, but they don't stop coming. When the bus comes, there is usually no line( there are ques in certain spots, which the Chinese follow very orderly, but generally the idea of a ordered line is not a Chinese thing). so everyone rushes onto the buses. It is not rude to push here. The culture simply does not value personal space as much as ours do. you can't get mad because they are not doing anything wrong, they are doing what is natural in their culture. so you get on the bus and stand. you may be able to find a seat, but it is rare. The bus will fill up many times until there is literally no wasted space. I have seen people crammed up against the door and spill out when the door opens. Now this is not all of the time, but quite often. Its a very good way to get intimate with the Chinese. When i first came here, I would be wearing nice clothes to go to the office, it was like 90 degrees and i was in a bus filled with Chinese. Chinese in your armpit. You may have certain areas pushed against you will onto the butt of of an old lady, or an old man! I swear to god, people probably get preagent on the buses without any intention by either party! They also will push to get on and off. Old ladies will throw elbows and hip check better than old skinhead punks and hockey players! Again, it is just part of the culture, it is nothing personal. Pick pocketing is a concern, although someone could probably steal my liver or pancreas and i wouldn't even notice. crowded is an overstatement. Again, with such a massive population, the Chinese are used to this. There is very rarely any anger or frustration, except for possibly a foreigner (me!). it does sound like hell, and often is, but it is also a very Chinese experience and part of the overall being in china thing. There are days where i really hate it. But now that the weather has cooled down a bit, I am usually ok as long as i don''t have some 40 year old Chinese dude pressed on my nipples!

One story about the buses( out of many). I was on a crowded bus last week. I was standing next to a man who was holding the bar( holding the bar is very essential if you don't want to end up on your ass, as the buses make many sharp turns and sudden stops). In fact, everyone was holding the bars. The man had a very young baby under his arm, up to his shoulder. The baby was very young, no more than a year old, and very cute. The funny thing is that the baby, through no prompting, held onto the bar the entire time. I am not sure if it was a natural Chinese reflex or just imitation, but it was very cute. The man and I seemed to be the only ones on the very crowded bus who noticed, and we exchanged laughter and smiles. That damned baby held onto the bar for the entire trip. Things like that make the buses worthwhile, in my opinion!

My next entry will be a little more personal and probably get me into trouble. It will be somewhat about my girlfriend, Jessica- who is very Chinese, and also about my appreciation for Chinese girls in general. But i have noticed that i have not mentioned Jessica very much, and she is a huge part of my life and one of the best parts of it. although she is not in china right now, she is a large part of the experience. anyway, more on her later.